


let me love you (i ache for you)

by _prettysetters (fandom_sister)



Series: tkym; orbiting you [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Gratuitous use of metaphors, I projected a lot, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Canon Compliant, Sappy Ending, Self-Indulgent, Slow Dancing, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Use of first names, and they finally admit it!!, but diverts a little to tadashi's pov, dramatic confessions, it's all a bit too cheesy and soft, lots of space metaphors, lots of thoughts, they're in love, they're in uni, theyre so soft nd in love, tsukki is a physics nerd, tsukki is poetic at times, yams is an artist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29173659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_sister/pseuds/_prettysetters
Summary: An excited “We’re here, Tsukki!” abruptly startles him out of his thoughts as Tadashi tightens his hold on his hand and pulls him into the familiar hallway of the Yamaguchi residence. He briefly murmurs an “I’m home” and as he watches his best friend rush to his bedroom, he thinks he really is home.or in which kei and tadashi have a study date.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: tkym; orbiting you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150469
Comments: 16
Kudos: 42





	let me love you (i ache for you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thanks for stopping by- i hope you enjoy reading!

Kei is nervous. This statement in itself should, dear reader, alert you that something is out of the ordinary. He might be slightly irritated, yes, sometimes mildly distasteful and only ever a little lame. He is all of these emotions and sometimes, although very rarely shown, excited, but never-  _ never- _ is Tsukishima Kei, second year uni student, dubbed ‘The Unapproachable Senpai’ by the new first years, nervous.

The source of his nervousness is currently walking right beside him, grinning and rambling about a new video game he wanted to try out after hearing Kenma and Hinata talk about it. Every so often, Kei will hum gently to let him know he’s listening. The aforementioned boy turns around, startling him ever so slightly before smiling- so genuinely bright that the breath is almost knocked out of him. He smiles softly back at Tadashi, whose smile only grows bigger. Not for the first time, Kei wonders if the green-haired boy knows just how flustered he makes him feel.

An excited “We’re here, Tsukki!” abruptly startles him out of his thoughts as Tadashi tightens his hold on his hand and pulls him into the familiar hallway of the Yamaguchi residence. He briefly murmurs an “I’m home” and as he watches his best friend rush to his bedroom, he thinks he really  _ is  _ home. 

(So who cares if he’s getting sappy as long as it’s in his head? Anyone who’s been lucky enough to be exposed to Tadashi’s bright smiles would also be the same, he thinks.)

Yamaguchi Tadashi is a bright person. His brightness is not similar to Hinata Shoyou’s, Kei finds himself thinking as he walks to Tadashi’s room. Hinata Shoyou is like the sun- constantly shining and bringing with him unbearable amounts of happiness. As someone who feels content dredging up the cool darkness of the shadows, Kei finds Hinata Shoyou to be of a brightness he cannot handle at length. Tadashi, on the other hand, he muses, has the brightness of the stars. Tadashi reminds him of long summer nights filled with the scent from the sea breeze and smiles that make him feel irrevocably lighter than before. It’s fitting too- while Hinata’s paintings usually feature bright colors that seem to jump off the page and sharp, bold lines, Tadashi’s paintings hold the calmness of waves lapping along the shore and are formed with soft strokes, dark colors melting into each other. Tadashi is the human embodiment of comfort and kind words. Kei will never quite admit it, but it was Tadashi’s freckles that gave him the nudge to completely and absolutely fall in love with the stars. After poring through several astrology books, he’d finally memorized all the constellations. He’d still be able to recite them now, if you asked. Yamaguchi Tadashi is a bright person and Tsukishima Kei is a moth, drawn into the night sky- awed by the infinite lights that glow and glow and glow, pulling him ever closer. And there were some that ached to witness Tadashi’s downfall- the bullies from elementary school, for example. If Tadashi was a massive star in the night sky, they wanted him to collapse and form a gaping, black hole. Kei thinks even if Tadashi were to break and collapse, he would still be  _ Tadashi _ . There would be pieces of him in the vortex of gravity and there would be pieces of him in the supernova that bursts outwards. Kei thinks he’d still love Tadashi, matter or otherwise.

(And say, for instance, he’s had this nervousness lingering for way longer than he’d like to admit. Say, supposedly, Kei has been in love with his best friend. And imagine, for just a moment, how heavy his heart heaves against his rib cage- how much it  _ aches _ whenever Tadashi is near. Think about it this way: all your life, you’ve been trapped in a prison cell, and the only way you’ve survived is by staring through the tiny hole in the ceiling. Every night, you watch the patch of stars and clouds from where you’ve been exiled. Now, imagine one day, you’re let out, and as night falls, you find the sky to be so much bigger, so much vaster, so much more  _ infinite.  _ This is, in a way, similar to how Kei realised he was in love— overwhelmed, shocked, and realising how, in hindsight, he should have seen it coming far sooner.)

Late afternoon sunlight falls in wide beams, drenching the boy in front of Kei in molten gold and pure light. For a while, it feels as though he’s staring at one of the paintings he’s seen at the museum, but Tadashi looks up from where he has been emptying his bag, and Kei breaks out of his trance. 

“Shall we begin studying, Tsukki?” 

Kei clears his throat before replying. “Sure, Yamaguchi.” 

He gently pushes his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose before flipping open his notebook. From the corner of his eye, he notices Tadashi’s notebooks are filled with slightly messy notes and doodles around his margins. With slightly abated horror, he realises he finds the messiness of the other to be  _ endearing. _ Looking back at his own plain, neatly jotted down notes, he forces himself to focus on his physics’ notes. He reads and rereads and then rereads again about how it is the moon that orbits around the earth, and thinks how his gravitational trajectory focuses his entire path to revolve around the sole being of Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

For a while, Kei’s thoughts manage to settle and focus sharply onto the movement of the sun and the moon and the earth. There is a comfortable atmosphere between them as they settle into their working headspaces. Faint music plays from Tadashi’s phone, broken occasionally by the scritch-scritching of Tadashi’s pencil against his notebook as he practices the lines of human anatomy.

Then, the song changes and Tadashi all but squeals, “I love this song!” He looks over to Kei as though remembering he has company before his expression mellows into something akin to embarrassment and his features are overridden with a flush that plays high on his cheekbones. Before the boy can apologise, Kei offers him a small smile that has Tadashi’s apologetic gaze melting into a look that Kei doesn’t quite know how to place.

Instead he decides to focus on the lull of the song. It’s slow and soft and sweet and everything that screams  _ Tadashi _ to Tsukishima. Before he can succumb to cowardice, he looks over at Tadashi and finds himself standing up and asking, “Dance with me, Yamaguchi?”

His voice comes out gentle and slightly wobbly. Surprise dances on Tadashi’s face before it breaks into a grin that could rival the shine of all the stars in the galaxy; it’s one of pure and unadulterated joy, and Kei finds himself smiling right back. Tadashi nods once and then again, surer. 

“Sure, Tsukki.”

He reaches for Tadashi’s hand and pulls him up onto his feet. He adjusts one of his arms to encircle Tadashi’s waist as Tadashi moves to fit himself in front of Kei. They’re awkward and clumsy and completely off-beat, and as they collide elbows  _ again _ , they burst out laughing. The corners of Tadashi’s eyes crinkle as he laughs and this is the first time in a long time that Kei is laughing so hard. There are even tears of mirth collecting at the edges of his eyes. Tadashi thinks he always wants to make Kei laugh that hard.

Tsukishima Kei is an enigma to the public eye. He’s silent, and when he does speak, his words either drip with sarcasm or remain unbothered. Yamaguchi Tadashi loves every moment of it. From their fateful meeting at the local museum a year ago, he has had the opportunity to unravel and learn and then relearn exactly what makes Tsukishima Kei  _ him. _ Tadashi will perhaps someday muster the courage to show Kei, but there’s a painting that resides in his closet. It had taken Tadashi an entire week to complete the painting, and he cherished it almost as much as he cherished the real boy. Underneath the cloak of white cloth that covers it, the painting itself is composed of hair colored with yellow paint so pale it seems almost white, falling gently on a barely freckled shoulder. And while the face itself is fairly hidden, off-center and towards the left of the canvas is a pair of startlingly familiar sharp, blue eyes that seem to probe into the viewers’ very soul. The painting, in every way and shape, is so clearly Kei, but now, right here, as Tadashi watches another piece of Tsukishima Kei fall into place, he wants, more than anything, to drag out the huge canvas and paint over it with the image of him laughing- teeth shining under the light, eyes closed, a small blush on the tips of his ears. 

Tadashi doesn’t realise they’ve stopped dancing or that his face is so,  _ so _ close to Kei’s until he snaps out of his trance to see Kei’s eyes flutter shut. Surprised, Tadashi manages to squeak out a small, “I have something for you, Tsukki!” Kei steps back and nods, pushing his glasses higher. Neither of them comment on the carmine that is slowly rushing to paint over both their features.

Tadashi walks out of the room and stands in front of the fridge, allowing the cool air to wash over his face that has now become furiously hot. He walks back to the room, considerably calmer and with a plate in each hand. His heart is stuttering again, but for a completely different reason now.

At the sight of the dessert, Kei’s eyes light up. “Strawberry shortcake?”

Tadashi giggles softly as he hands a slice over to Kei. “Yep.” He waits for Kei to have a bite, and when he sees a small smile dancing on the blond’s lips, Tadashi manages to get himself to stutter out, “I made it myself- I mean I tried to, at least. Do you like it?”

Kei’s eyes widen and Tadashi would have found the surprise on his face hilarious if not for the thunderous beating of his heart. 

Instead of answering his question, Kei says, “Tadashi.” It comes out more breathy than not, but it’s loud enough to soothe the crashing of his heart into a slightly dulled thumping. “Did you know that in space, once metals of the same type touch each other, they’ll bond and be permanently fixed together? It- it doesn’t happen on Earth because the metals form a layer between them since they’re exposed to the atmosphere. I think- ”

Tadashi looks at Kei curiously. 

“And- and in around thirteen-thousand years, Polaris will stop being the North Star. The Earth will undergo precession and navigation may be funky for a while. But what I’m trying to say.” Kei lets out a small breath. “What I’m trying to say, Tadashi, is that- even if Polaris stops being the North Star, I don’t think I’ll ever lose my way. I- I don’t think I’ll ever lose my way because you’re my North Star, Tadashi. You  _ guide  _ me. An- and I think, if we touched in space, we’d bond together. I think we’re made up of the same stars because I’m more me when I’m with you. And I’m scared that even on Earth, I’ll be unable to hold myself back because every single atom in me  _ screams  _ and aches to mold into you, Tadashi. Every part of me wants and wants and  _ wants _ . I’ve never been as selfish as I am right now.”

The silence following the confession- because it  _ was  _ a confession; Kei doesn’t know where the words came from, but he knows he meant every word of it- stretches, and with each passing second, Kei finds himself wanting to curl into himself. He doesn’t regret it though- not quite, but he can’t bring himself to look Tadashi in the eye just yet. He can hear the green haired boy place his plate on the table before he speaks.

“Kei. Kei, look at me.” And when Tadashi’s voice is soft and so, so  _ raw _ with emotion, Kei can’t help but obey. When he looks up, he’s met with watery eyes and a faint blush that plays high on Tadashi’s cheekbones. “Listen to me carefully, okay?” 

Kei is so scared, and it’s really not as though his heart is hanging on a thin line that could give away pretty quickly (it is), but mutely, he nods. Tadashi seems pleased enough by his nod because he continues. “I’ve never told anyone about my bullies or how I feel about my freckles. I’ve never  _ had _ anyone to talk to. When I was younger, I used to watch the moon from my window and talk to her about all my secrets- I used to ask her to tell them to my soulmate, wherever they may be. And...” He pauses to swallow thickly. “... and I think the moment I met you, I decided I want to choose you. Over and over and over again, I want to choose you instead. If I’m your North Star, the sole reason why I burn is because of you. I shine for  _ you _ , Kei. I  _ ache  _ for you. Let me love you.”

Tadashi doesn’t realise he’s crying until he feels Kei cradle his cheek, wiping away his tears with his thumb. He looks up at him. There’s only intimacy and pure, unbridled affection in Kei’s eyes as he murmurs a gentle lull of “Okay, okay.”

When they kiss, it’s slow and unhurried and soft. Kei’s lips move languidly against his as Tadashi’s fingers move up to curl themselves into blond hair. Kei’s other hand comes to wrap itself around Tadashi’s waist, effectively molding their bodies to accommodate the other. 

Kei sighs gently into the kiss as Tadashi giggles gently. There’s nowhere else either of them would want to be.

(And if they slow-danced and kissed into the night, that was no else’s business but theirs.)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this simply because i wanted to include yams making strawberry shortcake for tsukki, and then it turned out to be whatever fluffy mess this is. to everyone who read the entire thing- thank you so much! i hope hope hope you liked reading it. again, thank you to v for betaing this oneshot! 
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/_prettysetters) | [ cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/_prettysetters)


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